You know those times, where you work and work towards something and regardless of how hard to try to get there you just get blown off? The times that you feel like you tried to conquer this task that is equivalent to Everest in your mind, but you just can't seem to make it to the top? The one's that - if you don't succeed, it throws you into this insane grey area that you don't understand how to escape?
Well, that's where I am. Something has happened in the past week, and though it might not seem like a big deal to anyone but me (because that is literally how it is, I'm basically a huge drama queen in everyone's eyes) it's like overload major for me. I feel like I am in this crazy game of limbo and I just can't bend my back enough to get to the other side, the side where everyone is celebrating, and I'm just stuck. My inflexibility has rendered me useless, I am on the side of embarrassed, sad people that can't figure out this game as much as me. But I am the only one making a big deal of it, and questioning it. Like, "Why have I hurled myself into this stupid game, and now I'm stuck, and for some reason I am just going to cry a lot about it." (These are statements I make a lot to myself.)
And because of this, I can't find joy in things for some reason. Like I just want to lock myself in a dark room and pity myself until I find joy out of something stupid. Like maybe a piece of corn under the fridge (reference to Hyperbole and a Half). So now I am here, in a stupid game of limbo, that I hate. And now that has somehow launched me into this quest to find my piece of corn.
I realize now this is a very stupid post, and that I might be institutionalized for it. But hey, maybe I can find pure and utter joy in something there.
xx Mishea
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