Have you ever felt ridiculously alone? Like every best friend that you ever had, every "sister" every "brother", everyone that was so close to you just doesn't exist anymore? I feel like all I have left is my family, and I'm not saying that's a bad thing by any means. But feeling alone, and being an only child sucks.
Ever since I graduated, I feel like I had a total of 3 true friends that were actually going to be there for me post high school, but they're all gone. So now it's just Mishea vs. The World. And I don't know if it's because of something I did, or just because of the distance.
And don't get me wrong, I'm a strong person. But every now and then I would like someone to take my hand, and tell me everything is going to be alright.
It's something that I'm forced to think about because my thoughts get the best of me at night, and let's face it. Thoughts at night are ones that no one can escape, no matter how hard they try. Their brain gets the better of them, and the sad thoughts drown out any glimmery happy thoughts that could have ever formed.
And I'd like to think that if I make plans with people, do things to keep me preoccupied, it would help. But I can't make plans cause I don't have anyone to make plans with. So I read, and sometimes it helps if I read books that have sad endings. Because that makes me realize that my life ultimately could be worse. But then I read a happy book, that makes me feel like my life sucks, no matter what I do. And then I wish that I could have one of those fairytale lives, with perfect friends, an amazing boyfriend that is there for me regardless the circumstances and understands me, and does all of those cute things that you see guys do for their girlfriends on tumblr, and instagram. And it reminds me because I am the shyest person ever and if I don't put myself out there I will never have that.
It's just one of those days, weeks, months where I just feel so lonely and sad.
"wake me up when September ends." well crap, September is over.... what do I do now?
xx Mishea
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