You're Compensating for.... well, Something.

 I think that I have found the thing that makes me absolutely lose my mind. Without a doubt this thing makes me feel like my mind is melting out of my ears, because it frustrates me THAT bad. 

And that is when huge vehicles like trucks, hummers, SUV's, etc. feel that they are entitled to the road, and all of it's entities. And because of this they think that just because they're bigger than everyone else, they can follow NO LAWS WHATSOEVER and put EVERYONE else on the road in complete danger because they're too consumed in their vehicles that are made for Andre the giant that guzzle gas, and apparently don't have operating blinkers. I am completely convinced that the lights on the back of big vehicles are just for show because I have never seen one that works, except for breaks which they hardly use anyways. 

What fueled this fire of hate you may ask? Well, I drive a cute little KIA Soul, and apparently this means two things. 

1. That I should have a hamster somewhere in my car at all times. 
2. That I don't exist on the road to anyone, except for cars that are smaller than me. 

The second factor creates a horribly false connotation that I am a bad driver. Because I have to constantly stomp on breaks, swerve into other lanes, and try to either speed or slow away from danger. And all of this is caused by people that need a huge car in order to compensate for whatever they're lacking.  

And frankly I am over it. I am tired of getting angry looks from people when I honk at them for being reckless. I am done with the reaction to SPEED PAST AND BE EVEN MORE RECKLESS BECAUSE I HONK AT YOU. I wish that I had a pre-recorded honk that would tell people to quit being so self absorbed and to pay attention to those around them. Plain and simple. I feel like myself, as well as anyone who feels absolutely irked by these things should get a formal apology from those that are completely guilty of behaving like this on the road. And then a written pledge signed from them saying they will never do it to me again. And it's really not hard to quit it when I am around. You can easily spot my car in a crowd. I would just appreciate it highly if everyone would just stop being brats on the road. Including myself, I will admit that I get quite grumpy when I am surrounded by dumb drivers. And I probably get a little fast so I can just get out of my car to cool down. 

But yeah, can we all just be a little safer, and care a little more about those around us? Not everyone can afford car repairs or heaven forbid losing their car. Just try to be a little more cautious the next time you're on the road. 

xx Mishea

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Fictitious Friendships

It's kinda funny, the moment you realize that all of the time and effort that you put into a friendship was all a waste of time. 

It's the second that it hits you, it's almost like your whole life rushes before your eyes. But it's the whole duration of the friendship that flashes before you instead. The moments that you spent listening to their problems, helping them out all hours of the night. Driving them wherever they needed, helping them out with huge things in their life when they get hurt, or are desperate for your help. It's the second that you realize that you went above and beyond to do things for them because to you, they were one of your best friends, you cared about them beyond belief, but when it comes down to it they never did anything for you. Ever. 

Sure the initial realization sucks more than anything. The gut wrenching feeling that you spent your time and heart on someone who probably never cared about you, nor ever will. That split second makes you feel like you got hit in the stomach with a baseball bat. You thought that you meant a lot to this person, but you just created it all in your head because you cared so much for them it had to have been reciprocated in some form. But after you get over the first reaction, the rest are a walk in the park, a joke even. And it actually makes you laugh at your stupidity, how could you be so dumb? How could you actually let them do all of this to you without you even realizing any of this until now?

The next swing brings the memories, and you realizing how one sided they were. How when they had something to talk about, only they talked. You could never speak a word, you could only listen and then offer them advice after they used you as a napkin to wipe their emotional slate clean because they didn't want to burden their real friends with all of this junk. And you let them, because you cared SO much that you were blinded from the fact that they were desecrating you as their emotional garbage can. 

And you know what actually makes you comprehend all of this? The a moment they actually messed up and wronged you somehow, but guess what you did-- you still were trying to help them out and give them a little advice. THAT'S the instant that you're shocked out of your contributing coma. When you're struck with stupidity and you realize that all of the people that they claim to "hate" are the ACTUAL people that they claim to be their best friends. Not you, to them you are some sorry worthless little specimen that is there for them to abuse your kind heart and change you slowly into their tiny minion that wallows in their shallow ways, creating this imaginary friendship that makes you feel cared about when in all actuality they don't care if anyone loves you or wants you to be happy. You're just their chew toy. 

And you know what you should instantaneously when you realize this? Drop them like a hot freaking potato because they don't, nor ever deserved your kick-butt personality and beautiful face in their life. Because they suck, a lot. And they shouldn't have any friendships if they're going to treat someone as amazing as you like a piece of dirt. 

So get out of there, and find someone who will be as amazing of a friend as you are. 

xx Mishea

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Taking Time

Sometimes you need to take your own time, and find something that helps you get through the hard times. For some people, its taking walks, others it's reading, or writing. I like to figure out the little things about people and discover what makes them feel at ease. Everyone has one thing that basically clears their mind of everything. Even if you don't know it, you have one. You just haven't discovered it yet. 

For me, it took me a really long time, still taking a long time. I come to new discoveries and realize that they don't work for me. Then it just ends up making me feel alone. Because I thought I found something that made me feel like I could get through it, it changes and I can't seem to find anything. I thought reading, listening to loud music, or writing could help me. Maybe that's one of the reasons that I started this blog. And it helped me for a little while, but then I lose time for it, or the desire for it. For a long time it was theatre, and sometimes it still is that escape for me. But as of late I have had a hard time finding any joy in the things that I once loved, like because I was so distanced from them I forgot how to enjoy them. And it's brought me to this weird path that I just try any little thing to consume my time to distract me and get my way through it.

Somehow this post turned into something of a sob story for myself, and I feel like too often I come here to write this huge post, but it's just me complaining, so I don't post half of the things that are saved into my drafts. Because for some reason I feel like people will judge me for what's actually on my mind. So I hide virtually everything in my drafts and come back to it and read it over and over, but never share any of it. And it makes me feel like I am not doing a good job at keeping everyone posted here, especially the ones that enjoy reading what I write (the reason for that is still unknown to me.) But hey, hopefully soon I will get back into the swing of things here.

Until you read again.

xx Mishea

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