Distance

Distance is just a horrible thing in itself, when it comes to life. When you're waiting for something to happen and it's far in terms of time distance. Or when you miss someone, regardless of who it is, and it's measurable distance. 

There's one thing that sucks more than any other factor when it comes to distance, and it's when you need someone at a specific time, whenever it may be, and the reason why could be anything. And you just know they can't be there for you, even if they want to be there more than anything. Sometimes you need comfort, or a friend, or someone that will be there that simply just understands you. 

Measurable distance between friends, someone you care about, family, etc. is so hard. And it's not something that I'm used to. And it's not something I thought that I would ever have to get used to.

To say the least, I'm not coping very well with it. But, regardless of not having the people that I wish were here, here. I know that I have people that are here for me whenever I'm having a hard time with life. 

Sometimes I feel alone, just because of distance. But I've come to learn that regardless of how far someone is, or how long they've been gone. If they really care about you, and you really care about them, they will always be with you regardless of where they are. 

xx Mishea

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Irritating Situation #1

You know something that can change your entire day or mood from good to absolutely awful in a matter of seconds?

Stepping in a puddle of water with socks on.

I don't know what it is, but I can be having one of the best days of my life and the second I step into something wet with socks on my entire day is absolutely destroyed. It could be my pet peeve with wearing wet clothes, or just the general discomfort of wearing a wet sock. 

And if you just scream from the absolute anger from stepping in some sort of liquid with just socks on, people think that you're weird. So you just have to let the rage scream on in your brain while it ruins every good thought you had that day. 

I know what you're saying, I'm sure that you can thing of much more detrimental things that can ruin your day. But this is the one thing hat can ruin my day over anything else. I wish that I could say there are more insane things that can ruin my day and just make me want to scream. But this, and wet denim are the two things that can make me just lose it. i don't know what it is, but it has always bothered me and most likely always will. 

It's strange that something so simple can make me want to burn a city down, and I wish that I could change it, and make it something way more intense that could ruin my day, or a whole week. But  sometimes it feels like the whole world is out to get you, and stepping in a puddle of water with socks on, just makes everything worse. 

xx Mishea

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Birthdays

Birthdays are a weird concept in the first place, like "You came out of the womb this day, this many years ago, lets party!" I'm not complaining about it, because I'm one of those people that absolutely love celebrating their birthdays. I'm just saying it's weird. 

There are a lot of different views with people when it comes to birthdays;

• The ones that take up every second of birthday fame because they LOVE their birthday.
• The ones with horrible past experiences, causing them to hate their birthday. 
• The ones that generally enjoy their birthday, but they enjoy other days better. (i.e. Christmas)
• The ones that are neutral, if it's good it's good, if it's bad, no big deal.
• The ones that hate everything that is birthdays. Making everyone around them not look forward to theirs. 
• The rest of the people that just don't even realize it's their birthday. 

And I love my birthday, some years I have countdowns until my birthday, and other years I'm not excited. But it's always a day that I will enjoy regardless of what I did. And some times the years where I don't do that much for my birthday are the ones that I remember most because of the little things. This year I was not looking forward to my birthday at all. But thanks to my family and the few friends that I had here, they made me enjoy my birthday way more than I ever expected. 

So, to everyone that was there for me on my 19th birthday, thank you.

xx Mishea

P.S. turning 19 is super lame because you get no new benefits in life. 

P.P.S. Especially after a huge bundle of years (excluding 14 and 17) that you gain a new benefit in life, having no new benefits with 19 is kind of a let down. I want to be able to do something new that I couldn't do before!

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Awkward Situation #1

You know on special days like birthdays, or the holidays, or even when you're having a rough time, or you're sick and you get a really sweet text message? The ones that are filled with a lot of heart felt things, and just make you smile. Those ones that make your day so much better, and you feel grateful to have someone like that in your life, only to look up to the horror of having no idea who sent it to you?

I fear this more than probably any other awkward situation. 

It's the inner conflict that you have with yourself about whether you should respond with a "Thank you so much, you're great!" and risking an on-going conversation with heaven knows who, or being the jerk that asks "Sorry, who is this..?". Because for all you know it could be someone you were temporarily mad at, and deleted their number, someone that was just swiped from your contacts for a number of reasons, or someone that you just forgot or didn't want to save into your contacts. And you have no idea how many times you've used the "I'm truly sorry, I lost all of my contacts." excuse on them.

And usually around the holidays I don't worry much if it's just a general message for said holiday, but when it's the ones that were made just for you. I feel like a HUGE jerk when I ask who it is. Especially around my birthday, I get really anxious and nervous about not knowing who is telling me a Happy Birthday, and I don't want to be mad at someone for not telling me happy birthday when they actually did and I just was too scared to ask who it was. 

I struggle with being seen as someone that has the potential of being rude. When people say that I'm intimidating, I feel bad and I ask them why so I can try to fix it because I want to be that heartwarming person that is always there with a smile on their face. So when it comes to me asking someone who it is after they spent so much time to tell me all this awesome stuff, and I don't know who it is, and I can't thank them personally. I hate the gut wrenching feeling that they could be like "wow, how rude is Mishea for not having my number..?" 

I know it's just anxiety, and one of the multiple reasons why I am an awkward person but it's really something that I fear, and why I'm talking about it is because I know it will happen tomorrow. 

Wish me luck... 

xx Mishea

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Cupcake Wars

Here's the thing with me an television programs. If I find something that I like, I watch it until I no longer have any access to any more episodes. And I buy memorabilia, I watch the episodes multiple times. I constantly think about the show, have dreams about it. Like I obsess. And until now it hasn't been a problem. 

I started watching Cupcake Wars... and it's not a bad thing by any means, but for me and my program obsession. We have an issue. The whole memorabilia issue is a huge one. Because... the consumption of cupcakes in my life has drastically changed. I have found the location of every bakery near me that has ever been on cupcake wars, regardless of if they won or not. And I have just lost control. One Sweet Slice is the one that will get me every time (if you watch the show they won the Star Wars episode.) That cupcakery has won my heart, and as sad as that may seem, if you've ever had a cupcake from there. You understand. 

I get sucked in to shows and my life disappears, and Netflix is my number one contributor to my problem. And after I watched every single episode of Cupcake Wars that was On Demand, I found the Cupcake Wars Collection on Netflix. And. I have thoroughly enjoyed the hours that I have spent away while watching my new obsession. Sadly, I probably can't re-watch any of the episodes, because I remember everyone that won. 

Hopefully an intervention will be in full swing for my cupcake addiction. But I really hope it doesn't I promise I'll be better.

xx Mishea

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The Little Things

Everyone has those simple little things that can make them happy in an instant, and everyone has different things that they may be. They might be sights, scents, sounds, tastes. 

So obviously I'm going to tell you what my simple little things are. 

• Seeing cute old couples out on dates.
• The smell of swimming pools.
• Funny commercials. (it makes watching live TV worth it.)
• Candid photos.
• Pugs.
• Peach and Raspberry flavored things.
• Blue Raspberry Slurpees.
• The smell of a new book.
• Everything that is fall.
• Making pies every year for Thanksgiving with my grandpa and cousins.
• Relaxing bubble baths, or bath bombs.
• Pumpkin or gingerbread scented candles.
• The feeling of the inside of a new hoodie.
• Hilarious cat videos.
• Puns.
• Disney movies.
• Cake pops.
• Papa Murphys cheese pizza.
• When a movie has an amazing soundtrack.
• Awkward situations (when I'm a bystander, not involved. I enjoy knowing I'm not the only awkward person in the world.)
• Seeing a live play or musical.
• Falling in love with a scent at Bath & Body works, and they DON'T discontinue it.
• The feeling of a warm towel or blanket straight out of the dryer.
• When I can get my name put on something.
• The sound of keys typing away. 
• When a paper perfectly tears out of a notebook.
• A perfect hair day without trying. 
• Neff beanies.
• The sight of a new blanket of snow. 
• Perfect "sorbet" colored sunsets. 
• When someone remembers the little things about you, and compliments you for them. Like the way your nose scrunches when you smile, or the way your laugh changes when you're happy. 
• Holding hands in the car. 
• Cheesy things (like in a romantic sense, not in a flavor sense. But I like it in a flavor sense too.)

That's my list of the little things that make me happy in my life. For now. 

xx Mishea

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Why I'm Giving it a Try

As you can tell I make fun of the fact that I'm single a lot, and it's not because I'm bitter about it. It's because I don't have a problem with it and I embrace it, nothing's wrong with me because of the fact that I'm single. It actually makes me happy that I'm able to make fun of myself for it, it makes my obsession with Netflix and pizza funnier in my posts. 

With all of that aside, I've decided to go about things in my life in a different way. Regardless of the fact that I am happy being single, it's still nice to go out on dates and feel special every once in a while. And being single you don't get those things as often as you would like, especially if you're as shy as I am and you don't talk to guys as often as others might. 

I started looking at everything about the dating world in an entirely new light. I was always under the impression that I had to sit around and wait for a guy to come along and sweep me off my feet. Just because I was always taught that girls that put themselves out there were not the kind of girls that guys were looking for, so there was never any intrigue for me to put myself out there. And recently, I decided to change that. And I heard a quote from an episode of New Girl that explains exactly why I'm brave enough to go about this whole dating thing in a different way. 

"Are boys dumb? Yes. Do they do disappointing, stupid things that really hurt your feelings? Yes. Sometimes things don't work out the way you planned them. Actually, they never work out the way you plan them. But I'm the end it's all going to be okay, and that's why you have to try."  

Jessica Day, New girl. 

This quote struck a strong chord with me, and although I had already decided to change my mind and try new things this helped me realize that my decision is one that I don't regret. And it's also why I've decided to take on new things as well, regardless of what they may be. I'm looking forward to what the future has in store for me, and how I'm going to take a hold of the reins and change things for myself. And make myself happy with my decisions.

I know this post isn't like my previous posts, but I feel like it's one that needed to be heard. 

xx Mishea

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Strange Things That I Need

There are so many crazy inventions out there, and most of them are absolutely absurd. But there are a select few that intrigue me, and will take the money from my pocket. And these shiny, beautiful select 4 are ones that I decided to show with you. And make you realize why you may just need them in your life too. 

1. Pizza Fork
2. Cuddle Bed
3. Bed Fan
4. Self Stirring Mug

Okay yeah, you may think that these sound like all the other insane inventions that are on those crazy infomercials at 3 in the morning when you can't find anything else to watch, or you can only buy them at brookstone in that one section that has all of the weird things. But I promise you, there are serious reasons why I need these things in my life. And they aren't just stupid silly wants because I think that they are cool, I actually NEED these things in my life. 

Ladies and Gentleman, I introduce to you the most perfect utensil for pizza connoisseurs everywhere. The Pizza Fork.

Now, as you all know I love pizza. But not all pizzas, just cheese pizza. As beautifully pictured above. I also like dessert pizzas, because that's just gods given gift to pizza. And this is the fork for me, now I don't always eat pizza with a fork, but when I do. I need this bad boy to speed up the process so I can eat more pizza, and look super cool and innovative while doing it. The hassle it takes to cut up pizza with the side of your fork takes too much time and you don't want to use a knife because you're just making more dishes for yourself. Plus, sometimes the crust is just too thick for you to cut through with just the side of your measly normal fork. But with this baby I can conquer all pizzas. And come on. Who doesn't want that? 

Now, I'm introducing you to another thing that involves another thing that I may love more than pizza and Netflix combined. *insert shocked gasp here* Yes, I know I know. Calm yourselves and imagine a drum roll in your head.

SLEEP

It's another thing that I love more than anything, and these next two things will just make my sleeping experience a million times more pleasurable.

The Cuddle Bed

Now, I know what you're saying. I don't need the cuddle bed for it's actual purposes simply because I can't cuddle with Netflix or pizza.

But, I love sleeping on couches for the single reason that I can shove my arms and feet in the slots between the cushions. For some strange reason it soothes me and I love it. Maybe it's because I constantly did it as a child on the green couch that my family owned until I was in 9th grade, and it's a comfort thing. Or maybe I'm so strange and it just makes me stranger. But, this bed would also be beneficial in my future if I am ever to find a significant other, you know, like if Superman is ever to waltz into my life. But, as pictured above, the slots end at a certain point, and that's fine, but I would need a few slots at the end of my bed too, because you know. I'm weird. 

This next thing is an amazing thing that I actually did find in the strange part of Brookstone whilst on a day date for Prom and I became obsessed. 

The Bed Fan

Okay, I want this for the obvious reasons. Simply so I can stay wrapped up in the comfort of my own sheets. And be cool, without having to stick one of my legs out. OR I could actually sleep in the several onsies that I own without burning to death in my sleep. This combined with the cuddle bed would make my sleeping experience absolutely heavenly. And chances are I would take NASA up on that job of being paid to lay in bed for 78 days for like thousands of dollars. As long as I was catered to with Netflix, pizza, and the occasional jar of peanut butter. 

Now, for the last crazy thing that I need. It's totally one of those As Seen On TV things, but I need it.

The Self Stirring Mug

It explains itself, and the obvious reasons why someone would need it. But, it doesn't explain why I need it in particular. I love chocolate milk, and strawberry milk. As well as the occasional hot chocolate. But I don't drink it as often as I would want to because of one of my GREATEST pet peeves in the entire world, just because it grosses me out more than anything. 

When you get to the bottom of a mixed drink and you see SYRUP at the bottom of the glass.

EW. Just thinking about it disgusts me. I think it is absolutely vile when syrup settles at the bottom of a glass, and it's already sad enough when you get to the last sip of your drink, but to open your eyes and see this huge mass of nastiness absolutely ruins the whole experience of the deliciousness that you just consumed. I only want this mug so I can occasionally stir my drinks and avoid that revolting experience for the rest of my life. 

Now, this is just my Top 4 of the crazy inventions that I need in my life. I'm sure one day I wont be able to contain my thoughts, and needs of other things. But for now I'll just share with you the most important ones. 

xx Mishea

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A Weird Concept

You know what is just a strange concept, that I probably will never understand?

When painters wear all white.

Seriously, what is the point of that? Is there some sort of contest, that whatever painter comes back from a job the cleanest gets some sort of incentive?

I thought about this long and hard while enjoying some barbecue chips, while watching New Girl. (The episode where Coach comes back, to be exact.) And I thought about a few scenarios that puzzled me more about this.

The reason why I had been thinking so much about painters is because on my way home from a Doctors appointment this morning, I saw a painter, (In white pants, black shoes, and a white sweatshirt, because it was kind of cold.) painting the new Jimmy Johns that used to be a flower shop, and it pushed me into this long thought process that I think about every single time that I see a painter. 

The process usually goes along the lines of this.

1. It's so strange that painters wear white. 
2. Ask someone in the near vicinity if they think its as weird as I do, they usually don't so I continue to think to myself, and wonder why they wear white.
3. Just sit and wonder why they wear white for a really long time. 
4. Honestly, at this point I usually forget about it until something reminds me of it. Like, someone wearing white, or paint, this particular time it was a note I made in my phone. 
5. I get back on the train and ask myself questions about it like, "What is the point? Do they get rewarded for having the least amount of paint on themselves by the end of the day? If so... what if one painter is ridiculously messy, but he painted with white paint and with just a glimpse you can't tell that he is drenched in white paint?" these are the things that haunt my thoughts. 
6. I think about how absolutely pointless it is for them to wear all white, that is literally a waste of perfectly nice clothing. Because they are BOUND to get paint all over their nice white uniform. And it makes zero sense.
7. Then I think about the other colors that would be suitable for them to wear, and realize that there really is no safe color for a painter to wear, and I feel like my entire day was wasted thinking about something as silly as what color a painter should wear. I could have been thinking about more inspirational things like, how to solve world hunger, or a new invention that would help people in a beneficial way. 
8. I disregard all thoughts about it being a waste of time because it is a truly pressing matter in my life right now, and I need to know the answer.
9. Write a blog post about my crazy thoughts about a painters uniform. (This is a new step, and most likely a one time only step.)

That's pretty much it. And now after writing this post, I realize I still don't have an answer to my question. But I have successfully watched 3 more episodes of New Girl, and finished my bowl of barbecue chips. So that's a step in the right direction, right?

xx Mishea

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Let's backtrack here for a moment.

I have come to the sudden realization that I have gone about this in a completely wrong manner, and I should have told you more about myself in my first post, introducing my blog. But who likes to go by the rules? Obviously me. Cause I can't even remember the font that I want to use for all of my posts, and I'm kinda having anxiety about it, and I'm apologizing for not introducing myself first.

After writing that, I realized I never apologized for not actually introducing myself first...

I'm sorry.

Well, first off.. HI, I'm Mishea Susanne. For those of you that don't know how to pronounce my name, I titled my blog "Hi, I'm Paper Mishea" for a reason. The more you know. So, here we go.

• I am awkward, always have been. My name on twitter is Awkward Brunette for a reason, not just to be some white girl. It's just a warning, like those caution wet floor signs. 
• I eat a lot of pizza, and when I say a lot. I mean it, my co-workers know me as the girl that only talks about pizza. So that tells you something.
• Pugs. If I could love one thing for the rest of my life it would be a pug, or a real life Stitch. 
• I am one of those typical Disney fangirls, and I will never regret it a day of my life. 
• Back to the Stitch thing, I love him. I think that he is absolutely adorable and I am obsessed. I will openly admit that I am an 18 (almost 19, in 10 days to be exact.) year old girl, classified as an adult, and I sleep with a Stitch stuffed animal. 
• "Whatever" is a single word that can piss me off to no end. If we are having a discussion or an argument, and you try to end it with whatever, I cannot make any promises that I will not slaughter you in your sleep or punch you in the throat. 
• I watch youtube like it's my job. I am obsessed with daily vloggers, especially Zoella, she is basically me, but she is 24 and lives in Brighton, England, and she has a boyfriend. 
• If I had to say I had a boyfriend, it would most definitely be Netflix. I have a problem.
• I have this strange obsession with William Shakespeare, maybe it's my inner theatre kid. But I read his plays and sonnets for fun.
• Mentioned in my previous comment, I am a devoted theatre kid.
• American Sign Language is another way that I communicate.
• Things that I go by, sheabee, paper, miss mishea, shea, speck, pumpkin, sheaburr (4 of the 7 are only used by family members.)
• I like reading, a lot. Every time someone asks me what I want for christmas or my birthday, I ask for a bookstore gift card. But I'm not one of those audio book, or e-reader kind of people, I will always love the smell of a new book, and the feel of flipping pages, and being able to physically see how close I am to reading another book. And the bigger the book, the better. 
• How I Met Your Mother, and F.R.I.E.N.D.S. are two shows that I have seen every single episode of, several times. And I will watch them several more times throughout my lifetime. Simply because I am obsessed. 
• The song "you are my sunshine" will always hold a special place in my heart, so I got a tattoo of it. 
• speaking of tattoos, I have 3, and I plan on a few* more. *by few, I mean a lot more
• I wear give up on life pants* more than I wear anything else. *give up on life pants are sweats, for those of you that don't watch adventure time.
• Mentioned in the last comment, I am an avid fan of Adventure Time, say what you want. But that show is genius. 
• I don't dress in my actual style, cause I can't afford the wardrobe that I wish I had. 
• I am very much a birthday person, I love celebrating my birthday. It's my favorite holiday. 
• I also like giving people gifts, I always make sure to put a lot of heart and thought into the gifts I give because I love seeing their reaction. 
• I could live off of peanut butter, and peanut butter alone. 
• I go through phases of convincing myself to not drink soda, then I see cherry coke and I'm just not that strong. 
• Superman, he is life, he is love. 
• Hoodies, obsessed. I have a collection, I lied, I hoard them.
• I'm a ridiculously picky eater. 
• My car is probably the cutest thing about me.
• My favorite color is yellow, because it's happy. Oddly enough, my other favorite colors are grey and maroon, not so happy colors. But who says that colors are emotions? well, I just did...awk.
• I absolutely loathe the feeling of being scared. I don't do anything scary, it gives me so much anxiety that I get sick, or cry. 
• It's currently 2:34am and I am smiling because of the fact that it is in numerical order, for some reason things like that please my soul. 
• I online shop, way too much. I just like the fact that I can have things come to me from the comfort of my own bed. 
• I am envious of my grandmother and all of her crafty abilities. I wish that I had as many talents as her. 
• Candles are something that I probably never could have enough of. 
• I am forever longing to live in Oregon, or Seattle, Washington.
• Fall is by far my favorite season, during the entirety of summer I look online for cute sweaters, and long sleeves, and scarves to wear in the fall and winter.  

Okay, it's gotten to the point that I just think that I'm rambling on about nonsense things about myself. And I'm sure most of you didn't make it this far. But for those of you did, I congratulate you. +10 Mishea points for you. 

xx Mishea

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